Don't tell me the moon is shining, show me the glint of light on broken glass. - Anton Chekov
It’s the back corner of the room where the sound is coming from, the sound of a crying and screaming girl. I get up from the bed I’m laying on to find myself covered in blood. I walk slowly to the back of the room where I can find out what all this drama is. As soon as I place both feet on the floor, the sound stops, everything is quiet and there is no blood.
I slowly proceed walking to the light, I press the switch and turn it on, I look around it’s just a normal house, with a table, a couch, television, and a bed. I sit on a chair, and put my head on the coffee table, wondering how I got there and why I was there. But I could not remember. I sat there wondering for quite some time, trying to find a solution to my problem, an answer to my question, but it wasn’t coming. The deep thoughts had gotten me sleepy, and I dozed off, this time, on the table. Not long after I had already started to dream, I heard the door open, and a brunette girl walk in, a girl who’s look I was very familiar with, a girl I knew, but could not remember the name of. I got up and asked her, where we were and how we go here. She looked at me with a creepy smile and said; “you trusted me, now wait, and see!”.
The curiosity was eating me, and I could not stand not knowing where I was, I got up, made me way to the kitchen grabbed her arm, and asked her, again, where I was, and how I got here. She pushed me, grabbed the kitchen knife, and told me to stay away from her, adding; “I will kill you, just like I killed that bitch you love”. Confused, scared, and shattered of what she had said, I walked up to her, again, and asked her, to give me a slight explanation, as to what had happened, she turned her back on me, walked to the door, locked it, and left. Daylight was beginning to come, and I ran to the window, trying to look outside just so I could see if this place I was stuck in was familiar, as I got to the window I saw a picture of a girl, a girl, who’s face, I was very familiar of, it had blood on it, and a knife, next to it. At this point I was scared, that something bad had, and was happening to her, I tried to break the window and push the door down, so I could escape, and try to rescue whoever was getting harmed, but I couldn’t, the door was very thick, and the windows had a thick plastic board on the outside, that was unbreakable. Walking from one side to another, of the room, waiting for someone to walk into my room and give my answers to ALL my questions, I heard a noise, someone was coming, and with hope, it was someone that would give me what I was looking for. The door opened, and once again it was the same girl. She walked up to me, and looked me in the face saying; ”I’ve never liked you, you know, no one has, you’re just there, when people need to use you, when people want something, you’re gullible, very gullible. I had to pretend I was close to you, all this time. Just so I could pull information from you, about who you love, what would hurt you most, and how I can harm you, and leave you scared for the rest of your life”.
I was left wordless, thoughtless, and stood there, with tears in my eyes, wanting to kill myself, in any way possible. She walked out the door, this time, leaving it open. And I followed, It was a big house, with wide stairs, over five rooms on each floor, and very big, and bright lights.
I followed her down the stairs, and into a room that was on the left of the bottom floor. The smell of blood hit me the moment of fear was there, then. I walked into the room, and saw a mattress on it was a naked, bloody, female body, the head, covered with a blanket. I removed the blanket, wiped the blood off the face with my hand, and paused. The girl I love was lying on it, dying, she was beaten, she was cut, she was fighting for her life. I ran out the room screaming, crying, and looking for the people responsible of this to come and help me, as soon as I walked out the front door, I saw the car, with two people I knew, leaving, I asked them to come back, and with evil laughter, in return I got “she’ll die, don’t bother with her”, I was left there, to watch to one I love die, and the person that once claimed to be my best friend, leave, knowing she had caused pain, sorrow, and scars to me, for the rest of my life.
I was left deciding whether I should take my own life too, whether I’d be able to live without her, whether, I’d be able to trust anyone ever again. But I was taught a lesson, I was taught that the closest people, could do the worst, they could harm you in the worst way possible, they could take the things you value from you, they could ruin your life.
They just wanted to feel that slight desire for one last time, before they leave, before the last few days of their presence run out. They wanted to see the gloss in your dark eyes, and feel the scent of your smooth skin, deep inside their heart. They wanted to pull all the love they had for you out and free it like a white dove from a cage. They wanted the ghost that had been haunting them for years to become as fresh as the air around a waterfall, and collapse.
You had a very innocent face, with perfect white teeth, and shiny blue eyes, amazing sense of humor, and an immeasurable amount of knowledge, that could make anyone fall in mud for you. What no body could ever see in you was that you hide anger behind your smile, you hide hate and embarrassment behind your eyes, and lost love somewhere deep inside your heart. But before they realize what they’re getting into, they have already gone there.
Time had flown away and they had come to realize that it wasn’t the gloss of your eyes they were searching for, nor was it the scent of your smooth skin, it was the fear of your reaction, the fear that you would not let them show you that love, in time. The love that had been occupying their body for days, weeks, months, years, they were afraid of their presence running out before anything had been revealed.
Not long after your cold reaction, to such beautiful story, reality took over, everything you didn’t want to say was speaking with a high volume, people were able to see things going on in your head as a clear picture. Everyone could see the evil hiding in you, the shame, the thought that someone so low classed had such feelings, for who? for you. They know that you didn’t want what they wanted, they knew everything from the beginning, but something so strong was worth fighting for.
Your shiny, blue, innocent looking eyes, open-end wider, your mouth shut, you knew that the truth had come out, you knew that this wasn’t only between you and them, you realized that the door of the dungeon where they had been locked for a while, had been open, you realized that for them this was the beginning to an old end.
Leaving behind the truth of a love story, you walked off in your imaginary world where these two souls could never connect. Trying to figure out why an eagle only knows love while it’s tied up, once you set it free, it leaves and the love leaves too.
you’re welcome :)
&& thank you <3
It’s a dark boring night, and I’m sitting on a couch trying to put my life together. Trying to put the worst with the worst and the good with the best. I’m trying to cry and get all this pain that’s in me out, but I can’t. And here I am, writing about it.
On days like this, the only thing I as a human wish for, is to go back to the life of the baby that was yet unplanned to be made. I wish to change the life of the two creators of the child, and instead of that one quickest sperm, push another in front. Someone that would’ve grown up to be smart, beautiful, and understanding. A wealthy and strong human, whom would please it’s parents, and do good to all the people around, a human that would change the world, and bring peace and love to many, someone that people would be glad to call, partner, parent, grandparent and even friend, a person whom from a stick can build a palace, or even someone who many would classify as genius.
But instead my dear readers, this human turned out the total opposite. Instead of letting another sperm win the race, it pushed in first. Instead of letting someone else be spoiled, it was the one getting spoiled. Instead of being smart, beautiful and understanding, it’s a total failure, it has a disturbing look, and it cannot understand oneself, yet alone others. It has proved it’s parents wrong, it has done bad to everyone who has come close to it, it has made the world worse, by being born and it has brought hate to many. Despite all that, it has no friends, nobody to love, nobody to call it a parent, nor grandparent. It lost the battle of the inadequate, the battle against its biggest fear, the battle against failure.
This IT is me.
I’m unhappy of who I’ve become, I’m unhappy with the life I live, I’m unhappy with all the things I do not have. I’m just a bored lazy bastard, who never wins, and loses against failing. I betray my loved ones, I caused harm to my friends, and I have been left with no tears to let out. I’ve been let to die. And I’m too lazy, and scared to even do that. I just wrote a pointless text, instead of posting and finishing the rest of the “book “ that I started, so I’m sorry for messing with your heads. Wait hah, I should stop talking to myself, because nobody will obviously read my pointless bullshit.
I try to reach out but it’s impossible. There is an “I’m” and “Possible” in impossible, maybe it’s a sign that I should keep on trying. I fight, I try to get through it, but I just can’t. I try to reach for the end, but it’s out of my reach. I want to take a peak of the part where I win, and I get the so-called prize. This prize that’s said to be so precious to me, I try believing, it’s probably something I’ve been waiting for, a long time too, and every time I’ve tried winning I’ve failed. Why?, Why? You’d ask, because I was inadequate, I would fail once and never try again. But now, now I’ve changed. I’m here to win and I will, I’m here to fight; I’m here to prove my ‘brain’ that I can do it. I’m here to find love. What is love? someone asked me.. I don’t know, I really don’t, but that’s why I’m out here looking for it, I’m here to find it, I’m here to find the definition of it. I’m here to find why someone has to suffer from it; I’m here to stop that.
thank you very much :) I shall do so <3
most of them are real stories (:
thank you (: x
It was hard to leave you behind and move to something more amazing, something more beautiful, something understanding, someone more human than you’d ever be, she said. Her eyes were filled with tears, as she held the hand of another woman and walked off, I loved you Cristina, I loved you, she whispered as they were leaving through the front gate. I stood next to her favorite flowers and without anything but the last few words, tried to tell her we could still be friends, but it was too late, they had already sat in her girlfriends car and were ready to drive off.
I slowly walked inside the house that once both me and her shared, sat down on her favorite sofa, and smiled, she loved me I thought, I should be grateful of that. I got up made myself a cup of tea and sat on the dinner table reading a book, a book that held the secrets to our relationship, a book that was only about her and I, a book that simply explained our relationship and the way it once was.
Cristina and I met in a very unusual way, I was buying coffee at a cafe while she was waiting behind me, I got the coffee and turned to walk out of the cafe but ended up tripping because Cristina had left her bag on the floor and my foot got caught in one of her handles. She walked over to me asking whether I was okay, and started wiping my face with the jumper she was wearing on top of her V necked hot pink top. I got up and smiled at her thanking her for the help. “my pleasure” she said “would you like me to drive you home so you could change” she asked. It would be great if you could do that I added, she took her bag and lead me to her car, telling me to sit on the front seat so we could talk. I did as I was told, and sat on the front seat starting a conversation by asking how long she’d been driving that car, because it looked rather new, and clean. “About a year she added, it is however an old car, my uncle bought it from Germany in 1989”.
We talked and laughed all the way to my house. Cristina was a very interesting person, and she was lesbian too, I didn’t ask her of course, but I could tell. She had short black hair, and was dressed in androgynous clothing. I could tell that she didn’t always dress like that, maybe because of the pink lipstick, pink nail polish and pink V necked top she had on. She was rather feminine looking when it came to physical and mental looks though. On the radio part of her car she had a rainbow flag, that had “homosexuality is a big win”, which gave me another clue to her orientation. Her sexuality didn’t matter to me at all though, I was more keen on getting to know her, and having a friendship with her.
We got to my house, which at the time was an apartment, and I asked her up for some coffee. She smiled and followed me up the wooden stairs of the apartments who were very squeaky. “Wow” she said. “Its so pretty up here, I wish I could live in some olden style place”. “There is an apartment right next door to me that’s free I answered”. “Oh, I’m going to think about it, maybe we could be neighbors!” she answered. We got inside my apartment and I quickly got new clothing from my bedroom, and told her to help herself with some tea, while I was showering, then we could have a drink and a cigarette, while talking.
